Spurious Spam of the Day

This first entry in the Stock Schlock category, which is intended to track the results of the investments touted in junk e-mails (so you don’t have to, and so you won’t be taken in by them), actually doesn’t relate to a specific stock at all.

That’s because of the imbeciles who sent me the following e-mail (shown in part below). Next time, guys, change your boiler-room form letter before hitting the Send key:

%SYMBOL
PRICE:$0.08
“A Premium Market Related Service”
Attn: Subscribers, Stockbrokers, Analysts & %INVESTOR %ALERT

CORAL SPRINGS, Fla.–(BUSINESS WIRE)–May 19, 2005–%COMPANY(Pink Sheets:%SYMBOL - News), a contact center consulting and software development firm, today announced that Empire Research Associates has completed its initial report on the company, in which it recommends %SYMBOL as a “Strong Speculative Buy”. The report is an invaluable research tool for both shareholders and strong potential %INVESTOR.

In his report, William Walling, Chairman and Founder of Empire Research Associates, stated, “We are not yet prepared to present specific quantitative forecasts in this report. But, we sense that a 5% market share level in five years would be plausible (and probably conservative), if Central Authority(TM) catches on commercially. This could provide %SYMBOL with annual revenues in the area of $25 million.

At this level, profits would be juicy because software companies have high fixed costs and low variable costs, so rising incremental revenues pour down to the bottom line. Thus, a 40% margin on sales (fully taxed) would imply $10 million of net income in 2010. On the present 17.6 million shares, earnings would exceed $0.50 per share. Though inevitable future financing would necessarily dilute this amount, it would still be mighty attractive for a %STOCK currently selling at $0.075.

Zheesh. The company IS named later in the e-mail. Don’t you DARE ask me for it.