November 21, 2014

NewsBusted (112114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:09 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
– China’s one-child limit
– IRS fraudulent refunds
– USDA
– Gitmo detainees
– Fox series “Utopia” canceled
– Joe’s Crab Shack
– Bruce Jenner

Best Line: “According to a new report, the IRS issued $5.2 billion in fraudulent refunds last year, establishing itself as the federal government’s most efficient agency.”

November 18, 2014

NewsBusted (111814)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:30 am

Here we go:

TOPICS::
– Asian Economic Summit
– President Obama
– Net Neutrality
– MSNBC
– Chris Matthews
– U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch
– Prince Charles Birthday
– Kim Kardashian

Best Line: “President Obama has nominiated U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch to be the country’s Attorney General. Lynch is a curious choice, since she has no previous experience running guns to Mexico.”

November 14, 2014

NewsBusted (111414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:15 am

Here we go:

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TOPICS:
– Vladimir Putin
– Illegal Border Crossers
– TSA/Ted Nugent
– Substitute Teacher
– Heavy Snorers
– Willie Nelson
– Kim Kardashian
– False Eyelashes

Best Line: “A new memoir by Willie Nelson will be released next summer. Publishers say the book will reveal the role marijuana played in Willie’s life. For example, Nelson started writing his memoir in 1972.”

November 11, 2014

NewsBusted (111114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:20 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Midterm Elections
– President Obama
– MSNBC
– D.C. Legalizes Medical Marijuana
– Illinois Governor Pat Quinn
– F.B.I.
– Associated Press
– Al Franken

Best Lines:

  • “Washington, DC residents voted to legalize recreational marijuana last week. So now it’s official: DC now stands for ‘District of Cannabis.’”
  • “In related news, Florida voters rejected the legalization of medical marijuana. Exit polls show that much of the pro-marijuana base is just now showing up to vote.”
  • “Despite losing by 5 points, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn will not concede until every vote is counted. Apparently Quinn received nowhere near the amount of votes he paid for.”
  • “News that an FBI agent was posing as a AP reporter came as no surprise to the Assocated Press. The Associated Press employs hundreds of men and women who pose as reporters every day.”
November 7, 2014

NewsBusted (110714)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:59 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Midterm Elections
– GOP Takes Senate
– Ebola
– Governor Andrew Cuomo’s Book
– Obamas to Divorce?
– Michelle Obama
– Cuba’s New Catholic Church
– Champ Bailey Retires

Best Lines:

  • “President Obama says America’s Ebola response should not be driven by fear. Yeah, right. He feels is should be driven by politics.”
  • “According to the Globe, Michelle Obama wants a divorce before Barack finishes his second term. Like most Americans, she hates the thought of being stuck with him for another two years.”
  • “Cuba has allowed construction of its first new Catholic church in 55 years. Coincidentally, it will also be Cuba’s first new building in 55 years.”
November 4, 2014

NewsBusted: A Twofer (103114 and 110414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 11:09 am

Here we go, and here we go:

October 31 Topics:
– Ben Bradlee
– President Obama
– Amnesty for Illegals
– China’s Economy
– Michelle Obama
– Hunter Biden Cocaine Scandal
– Al Franken
– TSA’s Jon Pistole
– Gas Prices
– Thanksgiving

November 4 Topics:
– Marine Sergeant Tahmooressi Released
– Halloween Candy
– CNN’s Carol Costello
– President Obama and Mike Michaud
– ISIS Chemical Weapons
– Pee Wee Football
– Country’s Direction
– Jay Leno’s New Show

Best Lines (Oct. 31):

  • “Last week, legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee died at the age of 93. He guided coverage of the Watergate scandal during a time when the Washington Post was actually interested in White House corruption.”
  • “China’s economic growth slowed to a 5-year low in the third quarter. As a result, the Chinese are now asking Americans to spend more at Wal-Mart.”
  • “Al Franken’s Senate reelection strategy is to be as boring as possible. It’s the same strategy that kept him on Saturday Night Live for all those years.”
  • The head of the TSA, Jon Pistole, announced he is stepping down. He said he wants to spend more time groping his family.”

Best Lines (Nov. 4):

  • “CNN anchor Carol Costello has finally apologized for mocking the Palin family. Costello says, fron now on, before she goes on the air, she’ll remind herself (that) people may actually be watching.”
  • “The U.S. is investigating reports that ISIS used chemical weapons against Iraqis. White House sources say that if these reports are confirmed, President Obama will not hesitate to continue making empty threats.”
  • “Jay Leno is getting a new TV show on CNBC — and even though it’s not on the air yet, it’s already beating Conan in the ratings.”
October 29, 2014

NewsBusted (102914)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:12 am

Here we go:

TOPICS:
– Canadian Terror Shooting
– President Obama
– Obama Votes in Chicago
– Kathryn Ruemmler to replace Holder?
– Hillary Clinton
– White House Fence Jumper
– Malia Obama
– CNN’s Candy Crowley

Best Lines:

  • “After a radical Muslim gunman stormed the Canadian Parliament and killed a solider last week, President Obama was quick to reassure Prime Minister Stephen Harper that America is Canada’s strong ally — in the global war on workplace.”
  • “President Obama voted on the first day of midterm elections. And because he was in Chicago, his vote has already been counted 27 times.”
  • “Hillary Clinton claimed that businesses don’t create jobs. Former President Bill Clinton defended Hillary’s remark, claiming, ‘It just depends on what the definition of ‘job’ is.’”
October 24, 2014

NewsBusted (10/24/14)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:36 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Midterm Elections
– Republicans
– ISIS
– Falling Oil Prices
– Hardball with Chris Matthews
– STD Infections
– Kris and Bruce Jenner
– Mothers and Kids
– God and Sporting Events

Best Line: “MSNBC is suffering from record-low ratings. To give you an idea of how bad it is, ‘Hardball’ with Chris Matthews is now ‘Solitaire’ with Chris Matthews.”

October 21, 2014

NewsBusted (102114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:25 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– President Obama Low Aprroval
– Ebola
– CDC
– Obama NJ Fundraiser
– Governor Dan Malloy
– MSBNC
– CNN Cancels Crossfire
– Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg
– Alaska Motorist hits Moose

Best Lines:

  • “… It seem that CDC stands for Centers for Disease Circulation.”
  • “Last week, President Obama cancelled his appearance at a Democratic fundraiser in New Jersey — which appears to be the first action he’s ever taken to get money out of politics.”
  • “CNN has cancelled the series ‘Crossfire.’ Network executives made the decision after realizing the show was still on the air.”
October 17, 2014

NewsBusted (101714)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:20 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Chinese Economy
– John Boehner
– Syria
– Senator Mark Udall
– Nielsen TV Ratings
– Honolulu City Council
– President Obama
– Starbucks
– Prince Charles
– Barbara Streisand

Best Line: “The Honolulu Ciy Council has withdrawn a proposal to name a popular beach after President Obama. So instead, they will name an unpopular beach after him.”

October 15, 2014

NewsBusted (101514)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 1:00 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Leon Panetta
– ISIS
– President Obama
– San Gabriel Mountains
– Harry Reid
– Syria
– China Leader Xi Jinping
– Obama Marriage
– Liberia
– Ebola

Best Lines:

  • “China has surpassed the United States to become the world’s biggest economy — which also means that Chinese President Xi Jinping has surpassed President Obama as the world’s most powerful Communist.”
  • “It has been determined that the Liberian man who vomited on a United Air Lines flight to Newark does not have Ebola. Health officials believe what made the man sick was not Ebola but the thought of being in Newark.”
October 11, 2014

NewsBusted (101014)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 11:23 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– No Global Warming
– Michelle Obama
– New York Times
– Forbes 400 Richest Americans
– Amanda Bynes
– iPhone 6
– NFL
– California Bans Plastic Bags

Best Lines:

  • “Michelle Obama dropped her bid to run for Senate last week after polls indicated that the only thing less popular than Michelle Obama’s school lunch program is Michelle Obama.”
  • “The New York Times announced plans to eliminate 100 newsroom jobs. But publishers say the positions could be restored, just as soon as Internet turns out to be a fad.”
October 7, 2014

NewsBusted (100714)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:29 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Mitt Romney
– President Obama
– Secret Service Director Julia Pierson
– Jimmy Carter
– White House Fence Jumper
– Pope Francis
– Nobel Peace Prize
– Obama Security Briefings
– Michael Phelps
– Creeky the Clown

Best Lines:

  • “According to a new report, President Obama has attended less than half of his daily intelligence briefings. But in Obama’s defense, he is given regular updates by his caddy.”
  • “Creeky, the world’s oldest working clown, has passed away at the age of 98. But don’t be sad. We still have Joe Biden.”
October 4, 2014

NewsBusted (100314)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 10:30 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Ebola
– President Obama
– Senator Mary Landrieu
– Midterm elections
– Michelle Obama
– Nik Wallenda
– Cosmetic Surgeries
– 3 Branches of Government
– NFL Domestic Abuse

Best Lines:

  • “A new poll shows Louisiana Republican Senate candidate Bill Cassidy with a slight edge over Democrat Senator Mary Landrieu. Insiders say Landrieu is so desperate to win reelection she’s considering moving to Louisiana.”
  • “Daredevil Nik Wallenda will soon attempt to cross the Chicago River on a highwire strung between two skyscrapers. It may sound dangerous, but it’s actually safer than walking the same distance on the streets of Chicago.”
October 1, 2014

NewsBusted (093013)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:45 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Eric Holder Resigns
– President Obama
– U.N. Climate Summit
– Lois Lerner
– White House Trespasser
– Obama Coffee Salute
– Mayor DeBlasio Groundhog
– Kim Kardashian Nude Photos

Best Lines:

  • “When reached for comment about his resignation, Eric Holder said he’s thinking of trying something new. We suggest law enforcement.”
  • “Last week, President Obama delivered remarks at the UN Climate Summit Conference. Just what the world needs: more hot air.”