April 21, 2015

NewsBusted (042115)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 8:11 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– U.S. Debt
– Millennials Living with Parents
– California Drought
– Al Gore
– ISIS
– Condom Use
– CBS Bob Schieffer Retiring
– Meth Use Among Seniors

Best Lines:

  • “In a recent speech Al Gore says severe snowstorms are caused by global warming. He also claims that all the weight he’s gained was caused by dieting.”
  • “‘Face the Nation’ anchor Bob Schieffer announced he will retire this summer. And he plans to stay out of the public eye by getting his own show on MSNBC.”
April 14, 2015

NewsBusted (041415)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 10:41 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Hillary Clinton
– Iran Nuke Deal
– Senator Rand Paul
– Rahm Emanuel Re-elected
– U.N. Security Council
– Yemen
– Climate Change
– Madonna
– Ellen DeGeneres Split

Best Lines:

  • “President Obama is praising a nuclear deal with Iran, although it’s not actually a deal. It’s more like an outline of a template of a framework of blueprint of a rough draft of a deal.”
  • “Congratulations to Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who has been reelected to a second term. Emanuel credits his campaign’s get-out-the vote effort, which had volunteers going door to door and grave to grave.”
  • “The United Nations Security Council held an emergency session on the crisit in Yemen — or, as President Obama calls it, ‘the success in Yemen.’”
April 7, 2015

NewsBusted (040715)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:01 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– 2016 Presidential Race
– Hillary Clinton
– Marijuana Brownies
– Mitt Romney vs Evander Holyfield
– George W. Bush
– ISIS
– NASA
– Good Morning America’s Lara Spencer
– High School Math Teacher Convicted of Sex With Students

Best Lines (among many more):

  • “A majority of Democrats surveyed want to see new faces in the 2016 presidential race. The rest are conent with the two faces Hillary already has.”
  • “Speaking of Hillary, Republican presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina is challenging HIllary to name one accomplishment. Sadly, all Hillary could come up with is her successful marriage.”
  • “A 49 year-old mother in New Endlgnad was arrested for giving her 13 year-old daughter marijuana brownies. Teachers said the girl got so hungry she actually ate a Michelle Obama school lunch.”
  • “Mitt Romney will box Evander Holyfield in a charity bout next month. And just like his 2012 campaign, Romney is expected to pull his punches and then lose to the black man.”
  • “NASA is testing the world’s largest and most powerful rocket booster. We’re still waiting for word on when President Obama plans to give it to Iran.”
March 31, 2015

NewsBusted (033115)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 8:30 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Harry Reid
– Ted Cruz
– Bowe Bergdahl
– Jen Psaki
– Starbucks
– Atheism
– Census Bureau
– Elton John
– Dolce & Gabanna

Best Line: “Starbucks employees will no longer discuss racial topics with customers as the company has dropped its “Race Together” campaign. However, Starbucks remains committed to gouging all races equally.”

March 24, 2015

NewsBusted (032415)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 2:01 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– President Obama
– Economist Magazine
– Eric Holder
– Senator Robert Menendez
– Social Security
– Rolling Stones
– Senior Binge Drinkers
– ASPCA
– Madonna
– New York pot laws

Best Lines:

  • “Scientists sy gene manipulation will one day allow people to live to be 500 years old. Unfortunately, Social Security runs out of money in 20 years.”
  • “Rumor has it that the Rolling Stones will launch a North American tour this summer. Now We don’t want to say they’re getting old, but the Stones’ tongue-and-lips logo is now a set of dentures.”
  • “According to a new study, seniors are the most frequent binge drinkers — followed closely by juniors, sophomores and freshmen.”
March 17, 2015

NewsBusted (031715)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:17 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Hillary Clinton
– Time Magazine
– Private Emails
– Al Sharpton
– Eric Holder
– Iran
– 93-year-old High School Graduate
– Apple Watch

Best Line: “The current cover of Time Magazine depicts Hillary Clinton with devil horns. Can you believe that? Time Magazine is still being published!”

March 12, 2015

NewsBusted (031015)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:20 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Witchcraft
– Apple Watch
– ISIS
– DeNiro Tax Problems
– False Eyelashes
– Obama and Islam
– Little Caesars
– Michelle Obama
– National Enquirer

Best Lines: “The National Enquirer repports that Michelle Obama wants a divorce before the end of the second term. Like many Americans, Michelle hates the thought of being stuck with Obama for the next two years.”

March 3, 2015

NewsBusted (030315)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:55 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– FCC to Regulate Internet
– James Clapper vs John Kerry
– Jihadi John
– Eric Holder
– Obama Approval
– Terror Group al-Shabaab
– D.C. Winter
– Joe Biden
– Madonna

Best Lines:

  • “National Intelligence Director James Clapper said 2014 was the deadliest year for global terrorism, while John Kerry said we’re safer than ever. Asked if the administration is sending mixed messagess, a White House spokesman said, ‘Yes, and no.’”
  • “Attorney General Eric Holder has finally called the enemy by name. Of course, Holder thinks the enemy is Fox News.”
  • “After a brief uptick, President Obama’s job approval nmbers have fallen once again. Obama is so unpopular his new Secret Service code name is ‘Radical Islam.’”
  • “The DC area has been experiencing a severely brutal winter. It’s been so cold Joe Biden has been wearing mittens when he gropes women.”
February 24, 2015

NewsBusted (022415)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:25 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– ISIS
– President Obama
– Ashton Carter
– Homeland Security Funding
– Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
– Climate Change
– Yemen
– Marijuana Use by Teens
– Deja Vu

Best Lines:

  •  ”As the budget debate heats up in the Senate, some worry that if Homeland Security funding does not pass, millions of Americans will no longer be able to get their phones tapped.”
  •  ”The State Department is urging Americans not to travel to Yemen. They say that Yemen is now more dangerous than Chicago.”
February 17, 2015

NewsBusted (021715)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:16 am

Here we go:

Topics:
- John KitzHaber
- Brian Williams
- Dan Rather
- Obama authorize use of force
- John Kerry
- Rosie O’Donnell leaves The View
- Alec Baldwin memoir

Best Line:

  • Dan Rather is standing up for Brian Williams, which seems like a dubious endorsement. It’s like Bill Clinton standing up for Bill Cosby.
  • Some are now advising Brian Williams to run for the Democratic nomination against Hillary. After all, it’s already been proven that HIllary can be beaten by a lying phony.
February 10, 2015

NewsBusted (021015)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 8:42 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– U.S. Cuba Relations
– Josh Earnest
– Yemen
– Obama’s ISIS Strategy
– Donald Trump
– School Sex Party
– Pizza
– Al-Jazeera
– CNN Ratings

Best Lines:

  • “White House spokesman Josh Earnest said the people of Yemen deserve a clear path back to a legitimate government. Hey Josh: So do the people of the United States.”
  • “CNN’s ratings are at their lowest point ever. Network executives are so desperate they’re looking into whether Larry King is still alive.”
February 3, 2015

NewsBusted (020315)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:10 am

Here we go (with a briefer intro):

Topics:
– Patriots Win Super Bowl
– Mitt Romney
– Northeast Blizzard
– John McCain
– Michelle Obama in Saudi Arabia
– Bruce Jenner
– Hillary Clinton
– Johnny Depp

Best Lines:

  • “Mitt Romney announcement he will not run for president in 2016. Ironically, Romney has generated real excitement among Republicans.”
  • “Romney says he gave it a lot of thought, but in the end decided it would be better to quit while he was behind.”
  • “Johnny Depp’s new movie ‘Mordecai is a huge box office bomb. The movie is doing so poorly NBC is now thinking of turning it into  a series.”
January 29, 2015

NewsBusted (012715)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 1:36 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obama Up in the Polls
– Military Disapproves of Obama
– Boy Lies about Heaven
– IRS Budget Cuts
– Dartmouth Cheating Scandal
– ISIS
– College Reading Levels
– Colorado Virus

Best Lines:

  • “Readers were disappointed to learn that a boy who once claimed to have died and visited heaven recanted his story. Meanwhile, the man who promised us heaven is still sticking with his story.”
  • “The quality of service at the IRS continues to deteriorate due to budget cuts. The IRS warns it may not even have the revenue necessary to adequately harass the Tea Party.”
  • “A third of Americans disapprove of how President Obama is handling ISIS. The other two-thirds didn’t know that he was handling ISIS.”
January 20, 2015

NewsBusted (1/20/15)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 3:57 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– President Obama
– Paris Unity March
– John Kerry & James Taylor
– Josh Earnest and Radical Islam
– U.S. Capitol
– Plot to Poison Boehner
– Gitmo
– Boston Time Capsule
– Obama Marriage on the Rocks

Best Line: “According to the National Enquirer, Barack and Michelle Obama’s marriage is on the rocks. To give you an idea of how bad it is, their new Secret Service code names are ‘Bill’ and ‘Hillary.’”

January 14, 2015

NewsBusted (011315)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:29 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– President Obama
– Afghanistan
– Raul Castro
– Supreme Court
– Obamacare
– CNN and Wolf Blitzer
– CDC and Flu Epidemic
– Skunks in Granite Bay, CA
– FCC
– Cher

Best Lines:

  • “CNN just had its lowest ratings ever last year. To give you an idea of how bad it is, the Situation with Wolf Blitzer is now the Isolation Room with Wolf Blister.”
  • “President Obama asked the FCC to put the Internet under the same restrictions as phone service. That way the only thing he’ll need to regulate the Internet is his pen.”