April 15, 2014

NewsBusted (041514)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:35 am

Here we go:

Topics:
- Kathleen Sebelius Resigns
– Healthcare.gov
– Al Sharpton
– Hank Aaron
– Topless Woman Ransacks McDonald’s
– Wife of Jesus?
– Dallas IRS Office
– Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Best Lines:

  • “HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius resigned last week in the wake of the HealthCare.gov debacle. She wanted to resign last October, but her word processor kept crashing.”
  • “Baseball legend Hank Aaron says that people who oppose Obama are like the KKK. I think Hank got the two mixed up. You see, people who oppose Obama are Republicans, and the KKK was started by Democrats.”
April 11, 2014

NewsBusted (041114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:05 am

Here we go:

TOPICS:
– GOP Immigration Deal
– Republican Insiders
– Tea Party
– Congressman Jim Moran
– Drug Tunnels
– George Soros
– Dunkin’ Donuts
– Starbucks
– Common Core

Best Line: “A California mom has been banned from her kids’ school for two weeks because she opposes the Common Core curriculum. However, because the school uses Common Core, no one there is exactly sure how long two weeks is.”

April 8, 2014

NewsBusted (040814)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:50 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obamacare
– Unemployment
– Healthcare.gov
– Ft. Hood Shooting
– David Letterman Retires
– Stephen Colbert
– Ted Cruz
– Major League Baseball

Best Line: Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz just signed a $1.5 million deal to write a book. … and the New York Times just gave it a bad review.”

Worst Line (actually, a good one; it just stings): “The 2014 Major League Baseball season is finally under way. So better luck next year, Cubs fans.”

April 4, 2014

NewsBusted (040414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:25 am

Here we go:

TOPICS:
– Obamacare
– Warren Buffett Bracket
– Jimmy Carter
– Chris Christie
– California Prisons
– Ed Schultz
– Ann Coulter
– Siegfried and Roy Tiger Dies

Best Lines:

  • “Christ Christie has lost 100 pounds due to lap-band surgery. And not only that, he had his aides close three lanes of his lower intestines.”
  • “A judge has given California prisons extra time to fix their overcrowding problem. Yeah, there are so many Democrat politicians going to jail lately the prisons can’t handle them all.”
April 1, 2014

NewsBusted (040114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:04 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obamacare Extension
– Movie NOAH
– Vice President Biden
– Illegal Aliens
– George Soros and Jonathan Soros
– Clown Terrorizes Staten Island
– Piers Morgan
– Tina Fey
– Sarah Palin

Best Lines:

  • “Piers Morgan ended his final show on CNN with an angry plea to take away Americans’ guns. Oddly enough, the last Brits who held these same views were cancelled in 1776.”
  • “The State of New York claims actress Tina Fey owes $79,000 in worker’s compensation insurance. It seems Tina Fey thought the money would be paid by Sarah Palin, since she’s the one most responsible for her career.”
March 29, 2014

NewsBusted (032814)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:20 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– 2016 Campaign
– Hillary Clinton
– Weather Drone
– Al Gore
– Pinkberry
– American Physical Society
– White House Pastry Chef
– Actor Chris Pine Drunk Driving
– Obamacare and Latinos

Best Lines (among many more) :

  • “The Navy has come up with a drone that can predict the weather several months in advance. Which is not to be confused with Al Gore — a drone who says he can predict the weather a hundred years in advance.”
  • “The White House pastry chef has resigned due to Michelle Obama’s demonization of butter, cream, and fat. The pastry chef is now hoping for a position in the Chris Christie administration.”
  • “President Obama is telling Latinos he won’t deport their relatives if they sign up for Obamacare. Okay, but when they see what Obamacare is actually like, they’ll probably deport themselves.”
March 25, 2014

NewsBusted (032514)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:08 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– March Madness
– Obamacare
– Vladimir Putin
– Ellen DeGeneres
– Jimmy Fallon
– Kevin Trudeau
– Jimmy Carter
– Voter Fraud

Best Lines:

  • “If you watched mainstream news reports this past week, you noticed two things were missing. One is Flight 370. And two is the fact that (recently deceased) Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps was a Democrat.”
  • “In a recent comedy sketch, Jimmy Fallon made a joke ridiculing Obamacare. Coincidentally, the temperature in hell is now a chilly 32 degrees.”
  • “TV pitchman Kevin Trudeau was sentenced to 10 years in jail for creating misleading medical infomercials. Meanwhile, the people responsible for the Obamacare web site are still at large.”
March 21, 2014

NewsBusted (032114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:08 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obama’s popularity
– MSBNC’s Alex Witt
– Obamacare
– Radio Shack
– Mark Zuckerberg
– Diane Feinstein
– Golden Gate Bridge
– Los Angeles Times
– Actor Robert Duvall

Best Line:

  • “Operators at the Golden Gate Bridge may build safety nets to prevent people from jumping to their deaths. This design is very similar to the ones being erected beneath the Democratic national headquarters for November.”
  • “The LA Times dismissed a reporter for having an inappropriate relationship with a source. This is a very unique case in an industry where 90 percent of reporters already have an inappropriate relationship with the Democratic Party.”
March 18, 2014

NewsBusted (031814)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 8:19 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– St. Patrick’s Day
– Flight 370
– President Obama
– Zach Galifianakis
– Hillary Clinton
– David Jolly
– MSNBC
– CBS News Sharyl Attkinson
– Sheila Jackson Lee
– Common Core
– Lebron James

Best Line: “Republican David Jolly won a special election in Florida that Democrats were calling a ‘must-win.’ Or, as MSNBC reported it, ‘that special congressional election never happened.’”

“Reporter Sharyl Attkinson has resigned from CBS News. Her major stories, Fast & Furious and Benghazi, will now be covered by this CBS reporter”:

EmptyChair

March 15, 2014

NewsBusted (031414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 6:56 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obama Disapproval
– Young African-Americans
– Oregon Obamacare Exchange
– Cuban Dissidents
– Tokyo vs. Detroit
– Keystone XL Pipeline
– NHL
– California Governor Jerry Brown

Best Lines (among many):

  • “Just 11 percent of young African-Americans say that life is better for them under Obama. You know what that means? Young African-Americans are racist!”
  • “California Governor Jerry Brown has come out against pot legalization. Hey Governor, if it wasn’t for people smoking pot, you would never have been elected.”
March 11, 2014

NewsBusted (031114)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:00 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– President Obama
– Vladimir Putin
– Obamacare
– Obama Misspells RESPECT
– Edward Snowden
– Niagara Falls Frozen
– Al Gore
– Los Angeles Marathon

Best Line: “We here at NewsBusted have some advice for President Obama. If he wants to drive Putin out of the Ukraine, he should threaten to enroll him in Obamacare unless he leaves.”

March 8, 2014

NewsBusted (030714)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:00 pm

Here we go:

Topics:
– Hillary Clinton
– Obamacare
– Spike Lee
– George Lopez
– Jenny McCarthy
– Ronan Farrow
– Robots
– Planned Parenthood
– Larry King

Best Line:

  • “Rumors are surfacing that Hillary Clinton may be too sick to run for President. But don’t worry, she’ll be fine. It’s not like she enrolled in Obamacare.”
  • “Larry King says he never saw a liberal bias at CNN — which proves that even he didn’t watch CNN.”
March 4, 2014

NewsBusted (030414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 8:22 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Oscars
– Jared Leto
– Dallas Buyers Club
– Venezuela
– Supreme Court Hidden Video
– Arizona Governor Jan Brewer
– Dogs
– Susan Rice
– Restaurant Obamacare Surcharge
– Meredith Viera and Putin

Best Line: “A new scientific study shows that dogs have no shame. It’s like they’re the Susan Rices of the animal kingdom.”

February 28, 2014

NewsBusted (022814)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 9:34 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Obama Voters
– I.R.S.
– MSNBC’s Ed Schultz
– Sun and Earth
– Starbucks
– Capital One
– Muslims on Mars?
– President Obama
– Miley Cyrus
– Kanye West
– Craigslist Killer

Best Lines:

  • “A new poll finds that one-quarter of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. However, 100% of self-described environmentalists believe the world revolves around them.”
  • “An Islamic cleric has issued a fatwa saying that Muslims are not allowed to live on Mars. Well, until decide to live on Mars. Then Muslims can claim Mars as their own.”
February 25, 2014

NewsBusted (022414)

Filed under: NewsBusted — Tom @ 7:35 am

Here we go:

Topics:
– Presidents Day
– President Obama
– Jimmy Carter
– Ray Nagin
– Jimmy Fallon
– Michelle Obama
– Piers Morgan
– Denmark Zoo Giraffe
– Ellen Page

Best Line: “Jimmy Fallon is now being accused of having a pro-Obama bias. But Fallon totally denied that charge last week during Michelle Obama’s appearance to pitch Obamacare.”